When ur hair won’t listen to you and its a mess and ur just like ???? I grew you myself??? I gave you life and this is how you repay me??


"suck my dick" 

"nah sorry i have a shrimp allergy"


*puts shoulder on son* hand


It may seem like I’m a sarcastic asshole 24/7, but I’m actually only a sarcastic asshole 18/7 because at night I actually have feelings.

Track: Strawberry Swing

Artist: Coldplay

Album: Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends

Plays: 1,519


my voice is girly when I talk to strangers but when I’m with friends I turn into morgan freeman